Tuesday, June 7, 2011

The Psychometer: Who's Gone Too Far Thus Far?

Our Psychometer engineers have worked tirelessly to bring you a scientific view of which figures in the public eye are totally off his or her rocker this week. It's been proven by science, but do you agree? Let us know.
Donald Trump is semi-retired from the meter, but just when we thought he was out, he has a pizza date with Sarah Palin. Just think -- if not for Obama releasing his own birth certificate and then an evisceration of Trump by Seth Meyers, the GOP may have nominated a guy whose idea of "real New York pizza" is found at a Famous Famiglia in Times Square. Dodged a bullet, guys.
We're not sure if Mitt Romney is running for president, or our 8th grade boyfriend. Last week he pulled a "pizza delivery" prank on an Obama campaign office, and this week he came clean about his love of "Twilight." We may not vote for you, Mitt, but we hope you ask us to the Drug Free Jamboree.
Although Amazon has not confirmed it, The New York Times estimates that Amazon.com lost about $3 million by offering Lady Gaga's album "Born This Way" for 99 cents. Sounds like Amazon is really outspending the competition to be Gaga's new sassy gay best friend.
Roger Ailes wants New Jersey Governor Chris Christie to run for president, and maybe he will. As evidenced by his state-funded personal helicopter rides, he seems to enjoy those taxpayer-funded perks, so why wouldn't he want to take some joyrides in Air Force One?
Sarah Palin's entire persona is built around her supposed reverence for America, but her hilariously inaccurate explanation of Paul Revere's famous midnight ride must be heard to be believed. According to Palin, Revere was, quote, "ringing those bells, and makin’ sure as he’s riding his horse through town to send those warning shots..." Apparently her love of America is so strong that she won't be distracted by American history books or, you know, finishing one's term as governor.
Most of the time, shady backroom political maneuvering is kept hidden from the public eye. But not in the case of some Wisconsin Republicans' latest trick. Some officials were recorded explaining their plan to install a spoiler Democratic candidate in a special election meant to recall state Sen. Dan Kapanke over his vote to take away collective bargaining rights for unions. Remember, kids: If you don't get your way, just manipulate the system until you do.
You know what all women love? Being met with a cat-like "rowr" in a professional environment after taking an assertive stance. Or at least that's what Australian Sen. David Bushby thought during a heated exchange with Finance Minister Penny Wong. Bushby has since apologized and, we hope, will be promptly declawed and forced to stay indoors.
The New York Post has never been known for their journalistic integrity, but they really outdid themselves in the midst of a scandal that was already absurd. According to the college student to whom Rep. Weiner allegedly sent an inappropriate Twitter picture, Post writer (and college peer of the girl) Reuven Fenton posed as a photographer's assistant, had an off-the-record conversation with the girl, and subsequently published out-of-context quotes as an "exclusive interview." Just when we thought this scandal couldn't get tackier, the Post steps in.
But why would we single out The Post when pretty much everyone involved in Weinergate is equally to blame for the nuttiness of the last week? Rep. Anthony Weiner has been uncharacteristically awkward in stumbling through this scandal. Andrew Breitbart, he of selective editing, was suspiciously the first person to break the story and seems morbidly fascinated with adding Weiner to the list of liberals that he maliciously attacks for no real reason. And the good old news media would be remiss but to keep this dumb story in the cycle for days on end. But, truthfully, we probably are the crazy ones -- who can really turn down a scandal that makes it okay to make infinite "Weiner" jokes?